Sometimes after a break up, a woman will ask me “What do I do if my ex boyfriend texted me?”

I know how you feel. I’ve been there myself, staring at a text message in your phone. It’s like the past just comes roaring back into your life. Just when you thought he was gone for good, suddenly you get a message saying something like “Hey what’s up?” or “I miss you.”

It’s an issue that comes up a lot whether you’re trying to get him back with the No Contact Rule or move on with your life. Sometimes it can come out of the blue when it seems like your ex boyfriend is ignoring you one minute and then reaching out to you the next.

What’s really going on? Is he over you or not?

So, let’s take a look at each scenario:

What to Do If You’re Trying to Get Over Him.

If you want to move on with your life, you have to really ask yourself what the potential gain would be from staying in contact with him?

Yes, I know that the two of you probably had your share of good times, and it is difficult to let go of those. But if you really want to move on with your life, eventually date other guys and fall in love with them (and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the relationship is over for good), then what is the point of staying in touch?

It may seem harsh, but in situations like this, your best bet might just be to cut contact with him.

After all, any future guys that you date will probably see any sort of contact with your ex boyfriend as something to insecure or jealous of.

Now, I was reading this university study that explained that, although many people believe that men can have emotionless sex and women require an emotional attachment, men are actually more jealous of a physical encounter between his partner and another guy.

To sum it up, guys are more likely to feel jealousy if they know or even think about their girlfriend or wife with another man. And when he finds out that you’re staying in touch with your ex boyfriend, what do you think will instantly pop into his mind?

Plus, if you keep in touch with him, there is now undeniable proof (from another university study) that websites like Facebook can actually lead to more jealousy in your relationship. If you’re “friends” with your ex boyfriend online, that will just plant the seed of doubt in his mind and make your relationship with your new boyfriend even more difficult.

So, if you really don’t want to keep him in your life, don’t text him back. It may seem harsh, but the best way to ensure your future happiness with another guy is to completely cut your ex out of the picture.

What to Do if You’re Trying to Get Him Back

Well, if you’re trying to get back together with him, it would probably make sense for you to actually, reply, right?

Hold on a second though. Before you start texting him back and hit “send” consider this:

There is a whole group of men who call themselves “pick up artists” who study social psychology to attract women. I know where kind of going behind “enemy lines” here, but why not steal some of their tricks?

There is a concept of an “open loop” or a “tension loop.” You can read about it here (from a pick up artist’s perspective). But basically what it says is that if you leave a question or incomplete set of information hanging in the open, it will eventually be like an itch that the other person can’t help but scratch.

To put it another way, they won’t be able to stop thinking about it.

Now, you might be thinking:

So what does this have to do with why my ex boyfriend texted me?

Well, the moment he contacted you and sent that text, he created an open loop in his own mind. He wanted to hear from you and he simply won’t be able to get closure until you contact him back.

During this time, you’ll be all he thinks about. He’ll remember all the good times you had and wonder if maybe you’ve moved on. It will drive him crazy.

So, if you want to know how to get your boyfriend back, then you should absolutely contact him back. Just don’t do it too soon and leave that open loop lingering for him for a little while.

Text him back on your own terms whether that means in a few hours or a few days. Also, make sure that you say the right thing to get him back too.

Next Steps:

So what do you do if you want to save your relationship? If you want to learn more tips to get started winning your ex boyfriend back, check out my definitive guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back, and sign up for my newsletter below where I’ll give you tips and advice to save your relationship.

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